Adult / Crude / Sexist - Warning!

[HTM|JaK_5quat]

I knew the title would bring you in perv!


A woman woke up and told her husband about the dream she had last night. "I was at an auction for penises. The big ones sold for $1,000 and the tiny ones for $10."

Husband: "What about one my size?"

Wife: "Didn't get a bid!"

The husband wants revenge, so the next morning he tells his wife about his dream last night. "I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight one's sold for $1,000 and the loose ones for $10."

Wife: "What about ones like mine?"

Husband: "That's where they held the auction."

[)o(Stormblade]

Weeeeeeee!!!!!! Now THAT'S funny! :lol:

[HTM~Par]

i love crude humor. keep up the good work, jak

[HTM~Par]

another joke in this category

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check." I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

[HTM|JaK_5quat]

Oh YEAH! Guffaw! Good laugh! OK, let's keep it going. this one is a different category though - this would be the Silly category:

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks
past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you
doing?"

The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded
friend."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have
another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and
that he's going to get a drink from the river. At the riverbank, the
lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in.

A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him
to the side.

He then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?!"

The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree,
smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his
mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a
drink from the river, he fell in!

The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into
the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a
joint.

He looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!"

The Monkey looks down and says "FUUUUUCK, DUDE....... how much water did you drink?"

[)o(Stormblade]

OK, let's keep it going.
:-D

A young woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he yelled a final "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!" and rode off.

"Why was that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "I don't know. I just rode behind him on the horse with my arms around his waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered.

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

[HTM|Mrs_Chim]

Those are some really great jokes guys :lol:

[HTM~UnH!nged]

Cannibal father and Son
*
One day a cannibal and his cannibal son were walking down the road when the son remarked: "Dad, I'm starving...we need to find someone to eat!" Dad replied: "Be patient son, we should come across someone soon."

Not less than a minute later, they come across a young voluptous girl, around 18 or so, sleeping just off to the right of the road on a bed of leaves...

The son cries out: "Dad, let's take her home and eat her!"

"I've got a better idea..." said the dad, "Let's take her home and eat your mother!"

[HTM|Minion]

lol...that last one made me spew coke in my keyboard...gj man!

[)o(Stormblade]

Ow! My cheeks hurt from that last one! :lol:

[HTM|JaK_5quat]

lol...that last one made me spew coke in my keyboard...gj man!

Scotch here. :roll:

Why Fishing Is Better Than Sex

1. You don't have to hide your Fishing magazines.

2. It's perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.

3. The Ten Commandments don't say anything about Fishing.

4. If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing in your
whaler, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the internet if you later become famous.

5. Your Fishing partner doesn't get upset about people you fished with long ago.

6. It's perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.

7. When you see a really good Fisher person, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing in a whaler together.

8. If your regular Fishing partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you Fish with someone else.

9. Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.

10. When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if the are really an undercover cop.

11. You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for harassment.

12. There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

13. If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

14. Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.

15. Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.

16. Your Fishing partner will never say, "Not again! We just Fished last week! Is Fishing all you ever think about?"

[)o(Stormblade]

.......so very true :-D

[HTM|Sp@ceMonkey]

Monkeys smoking joints in trees? The tree climbing was a little far fetched. (we DO smoke joints) May be thats just my species.